By Taylor Kaye Nielsen

I should show up for the little girl who lives inside of me
She watches the world from inside my eyes
And feels it when I’m touched
She is a ghost both living and dead
Hosting my adult body

I should show up for the little girl who lives inside of me

She doesn’t ask for much
All she craves is safety
And to be understood
At first I tried to listen when she screamed
When she told me she was in danger
When she banged on my rib cage bars
And clenched my pelvic floor into ruin
But I seem to never be able to
Show up for little girl who lives inside of me
The next time that she screamed
I tried to keep her safe
But we were in our own bed
And that’s the only safe haven I’ve ever known
I didn’t know where to take her
So we played pretend

I blindfolded her and told her my skin suit was a castle

Instead of a casket
I told her she was safe
In the middle of a war zone
So she wrapped herself in a white flag
And showed up to a gunfight
And I didn’t show up for the little girl inside of me
Even as the white turned to pink
Turned to red

And every man she ever loved played a part in her death

Yet there will be no eulogy
No justice, no revenge
She won’t even get an apology
Or a tombstone
Her ghost nestles in my bones

And I still refuse to show up for the little girl inside of me

Because I would disappear with her


By Taylor Kaye Nielsen

Devour: eat (food or prey) hungirly or quickly

: (of fire or a similar force) destroy completely 


I am used to being the similar force

And therefore never expected to be consumed

To be eaten up ravenously 


To be devoured by you 

But I crawled into your throat 

And begged to be swallowed

I just wanted to be inside of you

I am destroyed completely

By your vegan punk anarchist to die for smile

And your sleepy eyed rants about the fermi paradox

My astrophysicist boy, blasting, burning, bright

You drench me in intimacy and perspective

And now I feel guilty for snuffing out the lives

 Of the ants in my bathroom

“I’m just like all the other wonderful girls in this world, going through hard shit every day. But I’m still here, and I’m still writing, and that is something. ” – Taylor

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